Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
