A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't turn off my feet"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
