Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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