Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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