Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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