My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
