bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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