I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
