I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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