yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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