it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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