Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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