i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
