i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
