So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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