WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
