Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
