Jerry, you need to find god
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
