if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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