It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
