Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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