She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
