So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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