Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
