Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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