So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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