i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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