So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
