so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
