11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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