she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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