i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
