Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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