I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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