Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
