why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
