Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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