could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
