The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
