if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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