got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
