some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A+ Viking dick
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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