return my video game
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
