hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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