If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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