if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
