What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Princesses don't give blow jobs
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
