CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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