of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
