its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
