Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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