Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
