Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
