what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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