Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
