Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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