So drunk its hurt
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
