yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
