there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
