Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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