I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
