I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
