Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
