47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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